softly confused...is that such a thing?

today is a lonely day....altho i'm never alone";)"...i still feel that way....but i think it's my fault...i seem to be isolating myself from everyone....i feel blank....empty....incomplete within....all those great feelings i was having with accomplishing things within myself and my life....seem to be no more....i allowed myself to get too involved with what people have said to me....wanting to believe everything good....what an idiot i seem to be becoming....i sit and stare off into the distance all the time....wondering....if things can be true...then i step outside my reality...and become wrapped in a fantasy....my heart feels like it's breaking...and i've done it to myself....

here's how confused i feel right now....i'm happy...i'm content at this point(this minute really)...but underneath it all i'm angry and hurt....i've opened myself up to a point that i feel extremely vunerable...i can't hide it any longer...and i need to find a positive way to deal with all this....all those things that i use to do to get myself outta this...just isn't working anymore....i need a new escape...a safe escape.....my highs and lows are extreme right now....my in's and out's are closer now than they have been in a long time....i'm hurting all of us....and i'm sorry.....